If you Want to Romance me... Don't.

I don't need roses

They /could/ be nice...

I've always been fond of fire and ice

But flowers are not what woo me

I don't need dinner out

I'm a rather messy eater

And pearls and gowns aren't 

My thing, no doubt 

about it

I'd be uncomfortable in a five-star

I don't need you to write me sonnets

It's a darling thought 

but I'd be self conscious

And I'd rather write them for you

If you would like that

Sort of thing

I don't need you to change

Your clothes or your face

I won't make you wear a tuxedo

But it wouldn't be strange 

At all if you wanted to dress up a little

Especially if you dressed hipster

I don't need to go out dancing

But an impromptu jam 

In the kitchen, just you and me

--Or a mosh pit-- I'm thinking

That could be lovely

I don't need to be romanced 

In the typical sense of the word

But I've got a list, a long one

Of things that would be nice

If you and I gave it a chance

So here goes:

I should like very much 

If you'd take me to movies 

Sci-fi, and fantasy epics, particularly

And I'd like it even better if you'd discuss

Them with me as an equal

I don't fancy pretentious fine dinners, 

But pizza is always okay

Especially when paired with ice cream

It's a winner

In fact, it's my food OTP

I should mention; I've always dreamed

Of working on cosplays 

Together

Some of the coolest ones might seem

Difficult, but combine our skills 

And we're beast

And, I know that this sounds lame

But I really want

To learn to play video games

I need someone to teach me, though,

And it helps if you've already got 

The console ...you know? 

Also

You need to have good taste in music

Or at least, be willing to sing

Even if you stink 

as far as voices go

I'll think it's the cutest thing

I swear

And last but perhaps most important,

You'll have to be stronger than me

In your love for God

In decision-making skills

I'd need you to be brave when I can't...

Need you to be what I aspire to be

So yeah, there's my wish list

My top must have needs

Wishful thinking and high hopes included

There may be a few things that I've missed

But you could fill in those blanks

With your other quirks and strengths

And, you know, to be honest,

Not all of that list

Is written in stone

I mean, to be truthful, I'm fondest

Of people who're kind 

And transparent... who have flaws 

Yet strive to improve 

And who love me in spite of mine.

So yes, I like common interests

You can't be a bore

But if you're self-sure, and funny

And caring 

You're what I love most in a human

Being. So who knows 

You might be the guy I'll adore.

What does the fox say? :3

Concerning Newbs and teh Shiny, Shiny Internets:

Why hello
youngling
little padawan
so cute with the chubby cheeks. ^-^
Please enjoy your stay

Welcome to the interwebs
the net
this fabu thing
I see you don't know how to post.
Or comment.
Or... anything. 

Give it a week
the marvel wears off
see there you go
you've learned how to craft a profile
with your name, address, ID
a hacker's field day... Wheeeeeee 

Six months and you're more comfortable
and hey... you learned the art of passwords
albeit the hard way. XD
Well done, though.
Your info's safer now.

Btw, I'll ttyl about definitions
of acronyms and stuffz
I'll brb... You could stand more patience,
though, padawan...
at least IMHO.

Facebook's getting too tame
so you explore YouTube
it's great
(for the first few cat videos and
inspirational sob stories)
but then you actually read
the comments below

Whoa.
How could people be so rude?
Foul? Illogical?
Maybe you should stand up for the poor
soul attacked by internet trolls...
First mistake. But you'll learn silence
after a good cry.

Oh so you got bored of YouTube
Twitter, Instagram, and the rest.
You'll graduate to Tumblr
you think you're ready but I'm afraid
I can't prepare you for the
mess

You thought it was bad at school
or on YouTube
Sorry... But cussing's the norm
My dear dear child
Tumblr kids can't say
anything without it, I'm afraid.

You're comfy now
it's year three
you've gotten sucked into fandoms
had your first precious OTP...
And your RL friends don't understand half
the stuff you say.

You pro'lly find normal
sleep schedules amusing
routinely stay up past three
in the wee hours of the gray morning
a human burrito in your favorite
blanket. It's a lifestyle.

You're no longer a newb;
congrats!
Now you're a cynical kid
who assumes it's normal
to blow your lid and act insane
if someone says a racist name

You're disillusioned
but you're whip smart
and utterly hilarious
at least all your internet friends think so.
But your skin's getting pale... You don't see day.
Are you so sure that you're okay? 

Well... Maybe you should take some
advice from your lovely
motivational boards on Pinterest...
like: "get out and live,"
"Be kind," and "seek truth."
Ehhh... Maybe after you check those
shiny notifications.

It's Easier

I've seen it happen again and again

Their perfect love cracks at the seams and it crumbles down

Like mortar in a ghost downtown

The walls of favor fall, fall down

They're true true love

Then they make mistakes

Now he's moved on 

She'll curse his face

And all her girlfriends will approve

Yeah she'll cry a bit but watch, you'll see

She'll bury that hurt lookin' all angry

Never needed him 

Better off and moving on too

Too good for him

That's what she'll say

'Cause bitterness aches less at the end of the day

No crying into that pillow she's too good for him

Yeah it's easier that way 

Easier that way 

Instead of having to say

"I'm happy for you

It's better like this and I'm okay"

It's better to be angry

Yeah it's so much easier that way

But I can't be angry at you you've done nothing wrong

Didn't truly lead me on

And she's better for you than I could be

But it's easier to say 

I didn't really care

Easier to say I'm over you

Easier to cuss your name

Than pretend like I'm okay

Like my heart isn't riddled with pain

I wish I could let myself be angry

I wish I could be justified in hating you

But you're happy and I've no right to care

So I'll pretend like I'm happy for you,

That's what "good friends" should do

I'm just sayin'

It'd be easier that way.

Please, Do Not Feed the Feelings

Once

I was vacationing

At least I think I was

It could have been a day-trip

To a day dream

I can't remember

But I visited a tiny park

With pretty pale wood benches

Mown grass and narrow walks

Trim hedges, friendly green

And a little pond with a bridge.

I wandered to the pond's lapped rim

Toes stopped at rushes' edge

And swooped my gaze across ripples

And then, to toes again.

Then I saw it, from corner of my eye

A chipped paint peeling sign. 

It contrasted so blatantly 

With the pretty, proper park

And I wondered

Why I had not noticed it 

After all, its looks stood out

So I glanced at the families

Wandering about

Nice families 

With small children

And elderly couples, murmuring sweet nothings

But none of them were reading the sign.

I withdrew slowly from pond's edge

And stepped soft through lush carpet

Of mown yet marshy grass

Until I stopped, until I stood

Full view upon that sign. 

"Public Service Announcement:" it read

Letters blue against the white

Peeled painted sign

But there was more, yes more indeed

underneath, in smaller font

But quite legible design

"Please, do not feed the feelings." 

I looked around at the families

With small children 

And the elderly couples, too

Still oblivious, they were

Perhaps they had seen the sign

Many times before, and were bored of it

I considered asking 

One or two 

Of the young parents 

What it meant

The peculiar, odd-ish sign

But if I did, I don't remember.

I don't even remember leaving the park

Or when or how or why

I came to be back home

Sitting at my window seat

Sipping tea

And thinking about that sign. 

We Are Not Our Size

Believe it or not, I envy

your body.

I know 

you hate it

I know society has long told you

you should

But society's changing,

and they say now

That what you have is best.

embrace it

That made me so happy 

at first

I had always thought 

you were pretty

And then society decided so too

and I was so excited

For you and women everywhere

but then

As it became good 

to have your body

It became scornful

to have mine

Now I'm the bad trend

wait what?

All of a sudden

I'm starving

Laughable 

sick

I was born this way

I liked myself

But now

small is very very

Bad

How did that happen?

I hated fat shaming

I've never been fat

I couldn't get big if I tried

(which I have)

But I hated the hoops they put

you through

Just the same.

So why have the tables turned

Why am I considered unhealthy

for having a high metabolism

Why do you get angry 

at the size of my skinny jeans?

I have always wanted

curves

I have always noticed

that men find you more desirable

Even though the magazines didn't

but now you flaunt it

So it hurt to be objectified and laughed at?

no kidding.

I'm happy for you

that the tables have turned

But I don't understand

why we can't both

Be okay

and why we still have to have a "side" 

To hate.

what if we just accepted 

That we are all

(even the in-between sizes)

Desirable. 

Beautiful. Acceptable.

Loved. 

No? Well fine

But I am sure going to try.

So I'm gonna keep loving your body

'Cause dang, girl, you are fine

but you know what else?

No matter what happens in public opinion

I'm gonna keep loving mine. 

::Ode to a Well-Trimmed Hipster Beard::

(Note: this is meant as a farce, okay XD )

I was skeptical of you
at first, but you have finally won me

You are the face of the indie music band
no pun intended

You are endless boards on Pinterest
entwined with rare forest flowers

You are Duck Dynasty's
squandered potential reclaimed

You are put-together
best paired with v-neck and saddle backs

You are mature yet young
unlike cheap scruff or skraggled whiskers

Most of all, you are
more than your components
you are an image, an idea, a concept,
so much more than solely keratin

May you forever grace
the faces of a chosen few
may you never fall to commonplace
but endure as a symbol
of a subculture lovingly, pristinely
maintained.

-Fin.